I have been reading Guy De Maupassant's "The dark side" these days. As idle minds are wont to do, I started musing on what would be the supernatural forces that could affect our lives - the contemporary chill-inducers as it were, and from there it was but a short step to wondering what would be the scary, terribly scary, spectres that haunt a blogger's life.
One of the most terrifying beasts in blogdom is the Comment Box Hijacker. The otherwise innocuous looking chap who ambushes your post and seduces your reader with the sharp scalpel of his wit and insight. He leaves comments which are as long as your post and much better written.The appearance of one such, is enough to cause a heightened heartbeat and palpitations.
The Raving Raconteur also has a predilection for long comments but typically, unlike the Comment Box Hijacker, writes about things which are completely irrelevant to the post at hand. Also found often in real life, ( the person who will suddenly say "When I was in the army we used to blah blah blah" when the conversation is actually about a shoe sale).
The Phantom Readers: As is the case with their more metaphysical counterparts - there is no way of establishing their presence or whether they are just figments of an overactive imagination. Even if one assumes they exist, one is never quite sure how many actually lurk in one's vicinity. Is it just a handful? Or is entire armies that are roving through the unknown mists of cyberspace? And there is always the nagging question in one's mind about their intent - are they like the friendly neighbourhood Casper or are they much more malignant? Occasionally one catches fleeting glimpse out of the corner of the eye - a comment lost amongst a host of others, then one wonders - were they there? or were they not?
The Stalking Exes: Typically these could be one's ex's significant half or the significant half's exes. They stalk from a sense of voyeuristic curiosity to investigate and dissect the blog. They come, they see, they occasionally chortle and say "My GOD, what was he/she thinking to go out ( or as the case maybe, get married) to THIS?" Their presence, like the sword of Damocles is a unseen but weighty burden on the poor blogger's head.
The Humour Slayers: Just when one is feeling quietly pleased at a post with a particularly witty turn of phrase, they will come and write comments like "Quite an amusing attempt actually" or "Heh. Passably funny". Suddenly the writer will be drenched in cold clammy perspiration. There will be icy chills running up and down the spine. Should one edit the post? What did that person mean? What wasn't funny? Was that contrived? Ohmygod,ohmygod! Should one delete the post?
The Typo Nazi - a mutant variant of the Humour slayer. Blog hops for the sole purpose of detecting grammatical errors. Will send long mails detailing out why the use of an apostrophe is wrong in a particular post. Is obsessed with commas and typographical errors. Rumoured to have been taken over by the ghost of English school teachers.
To be continued...
Note to dear readers. This post is got nothing to do with you at all. This is for other bloggers. I love you all very much. Please dont stop reading this?