Thursday, March 4, 2010

My name is Kha ha ha ha ha.

(Warning, spoilers ahead)

Dear Mr. K. Jo

First, let me begin by congratulating you on getting the movie released despite all the off-the-reel histrionics by one Mr. T and his posse of goons -you and your team should deserve a round of applause for that.

Having said that, I must admit that I was mystified by a number of things – not least of which, was, why DID you want to release one of the most unintentionally hilarious movies I have seen in the recent past? So I thought I would take this opportunity to ask you a few questions..

1.This might sound like a “who-was-Ram” type of question, but what was the story again? Was it

a.About autism?
b.About Muslims not being terrorists?
c.About a Forrest-Gumpish love story?
d.About triumph of good over evil?
e.About a mother’s fight for justice?
f.About hurricane relief?
g.About 9/11?
h.About ordinary citizens trying to meet the president
i.About a US darshan?

2.There was a slight doubt in my mind about the time frame – your snappy dates on the side of the screen indicated that the events occurred in this decade viz 2000-2009. But I could have sworn that Funny Hair Joel WAS Michael Jackson in 1972 and if I had to hazard a guess about his mother, Mama Jenny (Seriously?) and neighbours, I would have pegged them in a 1950’s commercial. (Uhm, just a small suggestion, do Google and take a look at one Beyonce)

3. Where did you find the President clone? I spent the entire movie waiting with bated breath for the full frontal ( you had been coy for most of the movie showing only the cropped hair)

4.Did Mr Khan (from the epiglottis) tolerate or not tolerate touchy-feely stuff? He seemed to cringe for half the movie, but after the intermission, he was going around hugging everyone in sight. Similarly in half the movie he seems to shuffle horizontally and sometimes he walks straight. Sometimes he used to movie camera; sometimes he cheerily looked at the landscape. Quite confusing.

5.Why did you waste Ms. Dutt for ONE minor scene? I would think she has HUGE potential in movies such as you are famous for – with lots of drama, action, song and dance and noise. Please do use her more.

6.Does SRK really have such a huge nose? Since he spent most of the movie not eyeing the camera directly, we really had lots of opportunity to view his profile

Your feedback will be much appreciated.
Thanks and regards

P.S. Was not a completely voluntary choice - uncle/aunt in law were staying over for a few days and they wanted to take us out to see the movie. It WOULD have been rather churlish to refuse, so off we went.


D said...

LOL! You just love K.Jo, don't you?

Thanatos said...

That MJ pic. doesn't work. Why isn't the world tired of Johar and Khan yet?

Reluctant Warrior said...

We find the oddest things to champion our rights. MNIK as the weapon of choice against Manoos Inc.


Irony is so common its lame!

Vijay said...

Good forgot Rainman...

apparently KJ did a lot of "research" for the movie which leads to this question:
Does "research" means watching all the movies you pieced this together from?

Indy said...

I enjoyed the movie, but just couldn't help laughing at your points...really funny!!! :)))

AmitL said...

LOL,Cyn,you just gave me some reasons to avoid seeing Kha hahaha.:)
Hope K Jo reads ur message and replies..:)
I'd prefer to go and see a 'Atithi tum kab...',which releases today,rather than a MNIK(without a review,I mean)-at least there,I'd get some laughs and it'd be paisa wasool,partly or fully.U agree?

Meira said...

Gasp! My sympathies with you. You tolerated it!!!

sra said...

Haven't seen the movie, just came over to say Hi! It's been a while, I think.

stefy said...

Hey another K.Jo bashing...hope he doesn't get upset this time!!!

Animesh Kulkarni said...

well said!

Cynic in Wonderland said...

D - indeed i do, i do :D

Thanatos - hehe lazygoogling. Why is it not tired? one of those things which will forever elude me.

relcutant warrior - i think the championing lasted all of a weekend. sales dipped very badlyafter that i heard.

Vijay - its the Annu Mallic stream of thought and research.

Indy - :)

Amit not really heard of the movie so cant comment. Its good?

Meira - i didnt and the worst part is the outlaws rather liked it. so i couldnt even be honest. sigh.

Sra - oi. long time indeed. where have you been?

Stefy - or that messenger from outer space of his.

Animesh - thank you!

The Depressed Doormat said...

Oddly, you make me want to watch this movie. For the record, I hate hindi movies, and I hate the tiny khan. And no, hate is not too strong a word

Maddy said...

terrible movie that - for all the hoopla