Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Careless Blisters: An ode to high heels or a eulogy to my feet

Time can never mend, the miseries of a shoe fiend
To the heels and behind, tension of all kinds
There’s no comfort in the looks
Pain is that all you’ll find

Should've known better

I feel so unsure
As I take a few steps and totter unsteadily to the floor
As my ankles strive and my insteps cry
Calls to mind, my flattest moccasin
And all my toes heave a sigh

I’m never gonna heel again
Painful feet have gone a keel-ing
Though it’s easy to pretend
That my feet look so cool

Should’ve known better then to mistreat a friend
And suffer the cost is what I’ve been livin’
And im never gonna be able to walk again
My feet all are black and blue

Time can never mend, the miseries of a shoe fiend
To the heels and behind, tension of all kinds
There’s no comfort in the looks
Pain is that all you’ll find

Tonight my calves feel so cowed
I wish that I could be a dowd
Maybe its better this way
I’d feel like a frump if I saw other femmes sashay

We could have been so svelte together
If only you didn’t my feet sever
But now my feet are a-begging me
Please foot spray

I’m never gonna heel again
Painful feet have gone a keel-ing
Though it’s easy to pretend
That my feet look so cool

Should’ve known better then to mistreat a friend
And suffer the cost is what I’ve been livin’
And im never gonna be able to walk again
My feet all are black and blue

P.S. Sung to careless whispers.
P.P.S i HATE that song which is why its so appropriate

P.P.P.S WHO THE F*** invented high heels and WHY?

17 comments:

Mo said...

High heels Hai hai, eh?
Ok, I believe, high heels were invented by sadistic men... To torture women.

As I explained to you earlier, focus on the horizon and walk towards it, you'll won't fall.

litterateuse said...

LOL, gem!

g

Epiphany said...

Great! now I have that damn song stuck in my head! khush to bahut hongi aap...

Meena said...

So funny, if it weren't so painful!You really have a way with rhyme!

Aquarius said...

such a nice way of putting the agonies of all people who hate wearing high heels....welcm to ma club.

Pinku said...

hey!!!

high heels are highly painful....but what the hell they do give you a high nevertheless

Nandini Vishwanath said...

Amen to your high heels rant.

Australopithecus said...

hahaha!

Silvara said...

ohhh...ouch that hurt. :P

One - because I LIVE in heels most of the time (and quite love them because I am a short ass and they do wonderful things to my legs)

And Two - I used to love that George Michael song in high school.

Sigh.

Cynic in Wonderland said...

Mo. Believe me, i can focus wherever you wnat me to and still fall. sigh.

G - heheh

epiphany - terrible isnt it? i think that and last christmas are songs which should spontaneously combust and die now. they have outlived their shelf life.

meena - so painful yus, sigh. actually i think i rhyme well when i am pained. what is that saying? the sweetest songs are those that tell of saddest thoughts...

aquarius - founding member! HATE heels. I look at them and my feet start howling in protest.

Pinku - dont know about that. im too disoriented to actually appreciate them maybe.

nandini - et tu?

austro :)

silvara - WHY do u like them. more importantly how the heck can you walk in them?

Parul said...

Wonderful! I love it and I couldn't agree more!

P said...

I am so thankful that I found your blog. This post and some previous ones like the one on haircut experience make me feel that I'm not the only girl in the world who doesn't understand why people take so much pain to look good.

Arunima said...

i was born with high heels. But i have to run behind my bus and walk quite a bit to catch the bus and hence, stopped wearing them.

AmitL said...

LOL-Cyn,u almost made me want to sing'Mera Joota Hai Japani'....hehehe!:)

Cynic in Wonderland said...

P - i think there are a few of us lurking around, occasionally coming out of the woodwork to give protests.

parul - feller sufferer eh?

arunima - HOW can anyone like heels? i mean i like themin the abstract but not on my feet

amit - bah. men

Trauma Queen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Trauma Queen said...

I have to partly agree with Mo. High heels were invented keping the male gaze in mind as they make
a) a woman's derriere (or ass) look bigger
b) her calves look sexier
c) her feet look prettier and
d) stilletos add to the kink value of kinky activities

so yes, high heels were pretty much invented for the purpose of male satisfaction.

Psst: But I like heels. I buy them and never wear them--they jus look soo pretty! but then i have a shoe-buying fetish of sorts...so not restricted to heels only..