So I have no cook these days. I politely told the female who used to come and cook (and I use the term euphemistically) that we could dispense with her kind offices. I have a fundamental reluctance to PAY people to be rude (and not work) to me. Heck, Ma is rude to me for free.
So anyways, this has resulted me in spending more quality time with the kitchen and also, given me the opportunity to learn some pearls of culinary wisdom, that I am convinced should be shared with the world.
10 Lessons I have learned ...By Cynic-in-Domesticland
1. I have learned ...that one cannot butcher capsicum and jaunt away without facing the consequences. The decapitated Vegetable avenges itself by setting the weapons (in this case, the hands) ablaze. Maybe that’s the reason why their underworld name is Green Peppers
2. I have learned ...that creativity (an excellent thing) but should be only used in moderation when it comes to rotis. So while yes, it is vastly entertaining to make interestingly shaped rotis, but the resultant outcome leaves something to be desired. Superman in other words, doesn’t like to puff ( Goofy is good though, for some reason, Goofy puffs up like a helium balloon)
3. I have learned ...that one can change the appearance of a leftover daal by adding red chilli powder to it the next day – the colour is different, the taste is different – QED the daal is DIFFERENT until proven otherwise.
4. I have learned ...that waiting for rotis to puff is as addictive and exhilarating as gambling Will it puff? Won’t it puff? Will it...its round...Maybe it will...but the tava is not hot enough...maybe it won’t ...what do you think? Will it? Wont it? ...Will it...YEESSSSSSSSSSSSS!
5. I have learned... that the chaps at the local Dosa joint who nonchalantly wipe the searing tawa with a cloth wipe deserve bravery awards. Seriously.
6. I have learned... even if you take the exact same variables, and the exact same process, and the exact same proportions, the resultant output can vary. My scientific curiosity has been aroused by this phenomena and I am currently in the process of working out a theorem which evaluates the effect of extrinsic factors (like heat, humidity and the MIL) in the dish.
7. I have learned ...that unflavoured gelatine is just that. And no amount of juice, or custard powder or milk or anything can transform it into anything but unflavoured jelly.
8. I have learned ...that it takes but ONE extra whistle to transform a rock solid yam into sticky, unmanageable gloop.
9. I have learned...that brown rice is # burnt rice
10. I have learned...that naming is the mother of inventions. If it doesn’t taste like it’s supposed to, call it something else viz. “This is not Palak Paneer – this is “Cottage cheese and spinach with a dash of sautéed onions garnished with sun dried tomatoes" ( anything in India IS sun – dried no?)