Sunday, January 18, 2009

Misadventures of the married kind – III: This little DeeGee went to the market....

(Continued from here and here)

Just before we got hitched, and around the time I was getting a massive attack of frozen feet about marriage – the responsibilities, the new people, the new location and even grocery/vegetable shopping, I had this conversation with the very-reassuring-and-considerate fiancé.

"Do not worry" he proclaimed "Main hoon na (actually, the English equivalent – but Main hoon na sounds so much more heroic no). I used to shop for vegetables and groceries all the time when I was in the US."

"Do not waste a moment worrying about it" he empathically added.

Thus, after uttering a brief prayer thanking the powers-that-be, for inadvertently acquiring a Domestic God, I blithely traipsed into the marriage.

Let's forward a bit, to a scene a few days after the ceremony.

A foray into the kitchen stores and refrigerator had elicited nothing but 2 inches of accumulated dust and a sneezing fit.

"Aha - Time to see the master in action" I thought to myself.

The Domestic God (henceforth to be known as DG) rose with alacrity to the occasion and thus we found ourselves browsing the aisles of Tru-Mart for the very first time as a couple-setting-up-a-house.

The dimming of the stars in my eyes started in about twenty minutes. For twenty minutes I saw the DG stand with rapt attention in front of the frozen meats section, intensely debating on the relative merits of Chicken salami versus sausages. (A sidebar here, DG’s genes seem to have revolted against generations of brahmanical abstention. They like their chicken. They like the chicken very much. In fact, I am pretty sure that if there was a race between say, a Biryani versus wife, the wife would be so far behind in the race, that it would have been significantly better for the wife's ego not to have started running in the race at all).

Anyways after gently hinting (remember this is very soon after marriage, where one hadn't yet graduated to shrewishly prodding) for about ten minutes, he moved on. – to the snacks and juices counter and carefully and lovingly selected some more staple-foodstuff– viz. custard powder, salted peanuts, Haldiram's snacks, papads and pickes. Then he led me very confidently to the toiletries and cleaning supplies section where he added some ear buds and dental floss to our shopping cart.

And it so happens that I found myself in the slightly atypical situation of having olive oil and salami in the house, but with no daal or atta.

And this highly individualistic shopping pattern continues till today. On the rare day that S goes grocery shopping – specifically on the days he has a craving for corn and realizes that its available in Big Bazaar AND I manage to catch him in time to shove a grocery list in his hand, he comes back cheerily carrying whatever it is that he finds interesting in the aisles (whether or not it is on the list).

The selection process is all very mysterious. Yesterday for instance, he had chilli-powder and turmeric on the list. He brought the turmeric but very snootily passed over the unfortunate chilli-powder.

And rummaging through the shopping bag is always fraught with interesting possibilities – one never knows WHAT one may find inside. Although, probability is high, that one won't find any Harpic or Lizol.

Ah well. Who needs Harpic and Lizol anyways?

To be continued: The Domestic God in the Kitchen.


maidinmalaysia said...

har! har!
my domestic god and yours must be twins... (separated during a mela of course; quick! can he recall the family song)

a million different people said...

Hehe. A little like me, I add a lot of things to the shopping cart apart from what's on the list.

I'm hopeless. :(

Silvara said...

Hahaha...that's a bit like me. Evs asks me to pick up bread - I come home with bread AND M&M's and maybe some other various items I thought were interesting.

shilpa said...

Hahha thats hilarious Cynic...Happy new year!!
I figure I have my very own DG too...mine came back one day from a veggie shopping spree ( sent out on oh-so arduous task by none other than you -know-who!!) anyway..back he came with three carrots and a weighing remind me of how 'healthy' I am....Hmph!

Nandini Vishwanath said...

LOL AB gets things I forget making people constantly tell me I'm lucky which is SO irritating!

Amey said...

rummaging through the shopping bag is always fraught with interesting possibilities

Well, you have to keep the marriage interesting, right? ;)

Cynic in Wonderland said...

maidinmalay - ok now i have that karz ka song playing in loop mode in my head. OUT damned song!

a million different people, what Kind of things??

silvara - the question is do you ignore the things u think were uninteresting? thats what i object to. why is it that i have to buy the boring stuff? bah.

shilpa - and yet he lives to tell the tale? he lives very dangerously hehe.

nandini - i also forget no. which is why i take that damn list along. and clutch to it through the shopping ordeal. '

amey - but of course no. and grocery shopping IS the best possible way isnt it?

Amey said...

@Shilpa: sent out by you -know-who
Now I have an image of Lord Voldemort sending the Malfoys out for grocery shopping in my head.

@Cynic: Of course, buying something special for your loved one is one way, right?

Arunima said...

yohoo! I am damn lucky. My husband knows more than if the onion has got over or tomatoes need to be bought.

maidinmalaysia said...

Been checking your site and checking and checking it and checking it again:

"The Domestic God in the Kitchen"
cant wait to read!

Satish Bhat said...

Awesome hilarious stuff !

AmitL said...

ROFL...Cyn,what a nice guy your hubby is!Amen to buying custard powder,Haldiram's snacks,et al and no daal-atta..Well,that's his way of conveying to you(I guess)that he doesn't want you getting tired out running around in the kitchen..:)
haha-and,you have such a nice mystery each time you open a shopping bag-really,what more can you ask for? I'm sure you'd get bored if he did the 'predictable' daal-atta shopping,so to speak!!Keep up the good writing!Great way for me to begin a 2 day weekend(With so many laughs,I mean..not by shopping):)

Cynic in Wonderland said...

amey - bah now ihave lord voldermort in my head too.

arunima - you do? they exist? wow!i thought that was a mythical creature.

maidinmalaysia - been waging a war with a viral. losing it so far. will put it up once, im up and about.

satish - thank you!:)

amitl - thats his way of conveying to me that he is as clueless abt the kitchen as i am hehe.

In love with my life said...

Came here via M in M.

I cannot remember the last time the domestic god here went grocery( or any such)shopping willingly.

He tried that about two months ago, and ended up with a normal looking tooth brush that cost him 100+ bucks- apparently it was imported and he of course does not check price before buying.

He will drive me to anyplace i want to buy stuff from, anytime, as long as he does not have to involve in the decision making/ selection process.

So i stick to the safer bet doing the buying on my own.

Maddy said...

wow - what trust, you send out DG alone with a list? I normally end up with even more haldirams and pickles and cashew nuts and all that stuff. but that is usually over & above the stuff in the list.

chandni said...


all these men use this line right before the wedding methinks!

And then conveniently go back to the old ways!

The Boy, thankfully, is completely in control of the groceries...I simply throw my weight around ;)

Cynic in Wonderland said...

in love with my life hehehe 100 bucks? what does it have? gold bristles?

maddy - actually its good fun. like christmas or something.

chandni - yes, complete frauds they are.

P said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
P said...

This one i can relate to..both the men in my life (dad and bf) have similar style of doing groceries. At home, most of the days I used to get up with the sound of my mom grumbling after seeing the contents in the grocery bag..and this was 20-25 years after their marriage!

padmaja said...

Haha! Hilarious!!
When I was newly married (Years and years ago) I'd sent my own DG to buy veggies. He came back with an basket full of atrocious veggies. All either too ripe or too hard to cook. The okra were esp toooo hard. When asked about it, he replied defensively,"all others had broken tails. I spent a long time to pick unbroken, whole okras!"