Sunday, April 5, 2009

Aqua di Zero

So I went swimming today.

“What is the big deal?” my dear reader might say. “I go swimming three times a day – in fact I am on land only for commercial breaks”, the reader might shrug disdainfully.

So dear readers before you scoff and wander off to someone else’s blog let me beg for a little time and backtrack to give you the context.

I, hold on to your seat, went swimming after ~20 years.

“Ah,” my dear reader will think, "than indeed, it is a momentous occasion". “And what led to this?” the dear reader might wonder.

So here goes the story of how the lost soul actually went from the fish bowl to the swimming pool.

S-fellow is a, well how do I say this mildly, abso-effing-lutely anal when it comes to fitness (for health more than aesthetics). Incidentally I am abso-effing-lutely anal when it comes to healthy food. These traits seem to be rubbing off on the other (un) fortunately. So we lead, disciplined, morally uplifting and utterly cheerless lives (the last time I put butter on a bread slice was in 2002. And the tragedy is we continue to be out of shape, and have low stamina – me at any rate. So much for the just rewards of virtue and all that. Hmpf)

So anyways, I am not a sporty person and S knows that. For example, the one and only time I attempted tennis, I threw the racket over the net instead of the ball. The only sporty activity I have done in recent years is lobbying insults with clients and running behind suppliers and playing work-volleyball with colleagues. S, on the other hand likes sports and is constantly exasperated by my er...low metabolism rate (which is politese for sitting like a blob of jelly and not moving unless pushed).

Ever since I have known him, it’s his single point agenda to make me fitter and all excuses of 16 hour work days and managing home and office which have worked in the past have simply cut no ice with him.

So after two years of being hounded, I find it easier to just give in and do SOMETHING. (Also, I worked for a year on health care brand, so that heightened the sensitivity)

I am NOT a gym person – I have attempted gymming on a number of occasions and I a) fall sick b) dislocate parts of my body c) drop heavy things on self. Also, it is difficult enough to be motivated without having to battle auto-walas and traffic, so it HAS to be in the geographical vicinity of 1km.

So I have been walking for the last year or two. The last few months I have also added a component of stair-climbing (but more on that later)

Coming back to swimming, in one misguided moment of sharing and trust, I happened to state that I used to swim everyday for some six years, back in the dark ages. And that as a kid I enjoyed it and was good at it (the operational term being “as a kid”).

...and S had an epiphany.

And thus started the swimming propaganda – which ranged from cajolery to threats and always ended with the cryptic “you have a swimmer’s physique”

So after six months of evasive tactics, I finally surrendered and thus, we ended up at the pool. Assuming that once he saw me thud straight to the bottom, all his theories of “physiques of a swimmer” would be flushed down the drain, float away like flotsam, sink to the bottom of the ocean , get the drift?

So I cheerfully went towards the deep end with this aim in mind, but unfortunately S caught hold of me and packed me off to the shallow side.

Since I was in the pool I thought I might as well attempt to swim so after the initial hiccups where all my limbs were simultaneously trying to go in four different directions, I managed to prove the theory that one actually doesn’t forget swimming.

And I was soon racing (oh ok, crawling) S across the width of the pool – of course he beat me but only marginally. This is when I realized that he really sucked at swimming and told him so. He agreed very cordially and again muttered about the swimming physique.

Further inquiries elicited the following profound theory of hydrodynamics ((Of course he said it less elegantly).

People with greater body mass have greater buoyancy

My husband, the scientist. Bah.


manuscrypts said...

for some strange reason, the comment gave me visions of a flail whale :D

Cynic in Wonderland said...

yus i felt like that too young manu. unfortunately i am married to one euclidian definition of a line. let that be a lesson to everyone. always marry someone fatter .

Pinku said... that theory...u ought to get fatter that will help swim further the same today onwards butter that toast.. hehehe

Satish Bhat said...

If thou cannot correct such disciplinarians, then corrupt them...

Will it help telling S that butter intake will add lustre to his hair?

AmitL said...

Hehe...Cyn,it's so nice-S is helping you re-learn so many things,na!And,swimming after 20 years?Whew!!A big grin at the 'physique of a swimmer' comment!!The guy's good at cajoling,I must say...and,now,before you ask'whose side are you on',let me ask 'so,what do you cajole him to do,likewise,in the fitness arena?

Cynic in Wonderland said...

Pinku - the butter abstinence is self driven so it doesnt matter if i guzzle butter as long as i go swim apparently.

Satish - like i said, doesnt matter what one eats. thats my problem. how does on get a hyper active person to stop infecting other people with hyper action is the problem.

amit - what is he helping me relearn aiyo. except maybe gargantum amounts of patience :D.

Nikhil Narayanan said...

Swimming after 20 years?
This is decadence or double decadence.
Save yourselves from the murky waters.


gauri said...

Hehe. Makes the two of us. "Not a gym person", that is.


Epiphany said...

:D...and the scientist is still alive and swimming? surprising...btw thnx for mentioning me in the post! :P

Australopithecus said...

yes!! my theory of n built flotation devices..who needs a rubber tube when you have spare tires :P

Cynic in Wonderland said...

Nikhil - ughhhhh what a tennible joke!

gauri - hate em. somehow i get sick just looking at one of em

epiphany - but revenge shall happen buwahahahha

austro - heheh

Soulmate said...

swimming is a lot of fun... way better than going to gym or jogging.. well good that if you still remember how to swim even after such a long time.. When I tried to swim after almost 2 decades, I realized that I have forgotten... :-(((

Mumbai Diva said...

A-ha. I see you are married to the sporty type too. Problem I tell ya. He's always wanting me to go for a run. Hmmm...poss1ble post option!

narendra shenoy said...


Arunima said...

ha ha ha, the last line was the best. I learned swimming 2 years back and I enjoy it every once in a while. planning to go swimming every week-end during the summers. I don't have much stamina though.

Arunima said...

hit "publish' befoe I finished. SO, considering my body frame and the stamina, your scientist husband could be right. :-)

and commenting a second time shows that we are still interested in your blog.

Cynic in Wonderland said...

soulmate - i was damn sure i had forgotten and completely surprised myself! pleasantly i should add.

mumbai diva - heheh fortunately he hasnt come to the conclusion that i have arunners physique ( i dont - according to him, the only femme non-sportswoman who can run is Gul panang) so have been spared that. but i am sure its extremely exhausting fighting off the sporty types no?

arunima - yus i plan to go to now, considering that i have rediscovered it. sure as hell beats every other form of excercise in this bloody hot weather. are you good at it?

naren :)

Trauma Queen said...

niceness!! i LOVVVE swimming...try to do it every summer

G said...

Love your header!

I haven't been swimming in 5 years :]

Vidya said...

First time at your blog. Swimming is like cycling isnt dont quite forget how to do it. Only issue is, with cycling you can get away with a few scraps but with swimming, there is a good chance you might drown if you dont really remember what it feels like to float when you are still alive!

And LOL to body mass and swimming physique....atleast no one will see you under water :)!

Cynic in Wonderland said...

trauma queen - actually tho i wont admit to the husband, i think i will go back to loving swimming pretty soon.

G thank you and halloa

Vidya - strangely enuf i like cycling too. probabaly the only two sports in the universe which i like. but yes, swimming is a risk if you forget it. Strange thing was it didnt take me all that long to relearn it. so maybe one doesnt forget - maybe survival instinct kicks in pretty soon?